


Let Go

by the_obiwan_for_me



Series: She Said the Word AU [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Kyber Crystals (Star Wars), No good at writing vision quests but gave it a go anyhow, One Shot, The Author took ALL of the liberties ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:29:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27603541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_obiwan_for_me/pseuds/the_obiwan_for_me
Summary: Anakin Skywalker, just shy of his thirteen birthday, travels to Jedha with Obi-Wan and their guide, Quinlan Vos. While there, Anakin seeks out his kyber crystal for his lightsaber, and learns a valuable lesson.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Satine Kryze
Series: She Said the Word AU [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1942408
Comments: 15
Kudos: 77





	Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE NOTE: this is major canon divergence based on the AU Obitine story, "She Said the Word." If you haven't read that, this will make zero sense, really. That being said, you don't have to plow through the whole story for context. Go read through chapter 4, and then come back! 
> 
> For my lovely readers of "She Said the Word," hear is the first of the two promised one shots!

The entrance of the ancient Temple of the Kyber loomed over the trio as they entered with the rest of the pilgrims. Anakin had never seen anything like it, rough cut from the red rock of the planet's surface, and the scale of it made him shiver. Or, maybe it was the cold, dry wind that was causing that. He was still grappling with the mind boggling concept that a desert could be cold. And Jedha's desert was  _ cold. _

The crush of pilgrims overwhelmed him, physically, at least. He had snapped his shields down as tight as he could as soon as they'd stepped out of the market and into the line of pilgrims, moving toward the temple. As a kid whose early days were spent in a tiny town in the Tatooine desert, and then raised under the watchful eye of the royal Protectors in a palace, he was unaccustomed to so many people being  _ so close  _ to him. He fought the urge to scrabble for his father's hand. He was far too old for that  _ osik _ . As if reading his thoughts, Obi-Wan placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, guiding him carefully through the crowd, physically shielding him some from the other bodies.

"Not much longer now, Ani," he said quietly in his ear. "Stay calm. No use going into this exercise already on edge."

Anakin nodded at him, taking a deep breath and pushing away the anxiety trying to swamp his mind. He focused on the swinging dreadlocks of their guide, instead, as the big, wild looking man his father swore was a Jedi Knight led them steadily through the crowd. 

He was still skeptical of Quinlan Vos' supposed Jedi status. Sure, a lightsaber hung at his hip and Anakin could sense his strength and mastery in the Force, but he did not look nor act like any of the other Jedi he had met. Even Master Qui-Gon, who his father had said was considered a maverick in the order, had seemed stately and reserved compared to this man. From the brilliant yellow-gold tattoo slashed across his face, to his messy robes, arms bare when he first met them on the docks in Sundari, flaunting powerful muscles under dark skin, to his wild, thick mass of locks- it all made him seem more like a swashbuckling scoundrel than a kriffing Jedi Knight.

As if sensing Anakin's thoughts about him, Quinlan turned, pulled the scarf down that was shielding most of his face from the bitter cold, and offered him a rakish smile and a wink. "Hang tight, kid. We're about to cut the line."

Ten more paces and Quinlan twitched his head to the right. They all quickly stepped out of the line into a small alcove. The passing pilgrims, lost in whatever meditation or thoughts they had regarding their journey, didn’t even notice. 

Quinlan rapped his knuckles on an ancient wooden door that Anakin hadn’t even noticed. A small window opened at eye level, and a pair of weary, old eyes peered out. They flicked to Quinlan, then to Obi-Wan, and then down to Anakin. 

“This him?” a gruff voice grunted from behind the door.

“Yeah, Leko. Let us in,” Quinlan said, crossing his arms across his broad chest. “Kid’s kriffing cold, and so am I.”

The eyes, Leko, as Quinlan called them, stared at Anakin for another beat, before a series of ticks and clicks echoed behind the door and the door creaked open. Behind it appeared a tiny human (at least, Anakin assumed he was human) man. Very ancient and very stooped. In a weird way, this Leko character reminded Anakin of Master Yoda.

“Come on, be quick. No use in letting the warmth out and those damned pilgrims in,” Leko muttered, turning his back and walking further into a little room hewn from the rock. Quinlan followed, ducking his head as not to bash it on the low doorsill. Obi-Wan gently pushed Anakin along behind Quinlan. 

“Sit. I’ll make tea,” Leko said, gesturing at a rough wooden table. “No use sending the kid in without a little something in his belly.”

Quinlan shrugged off his heavy cloak and sprawled on a bench cut into the wall, scarf draped around his neck. The room  _ was  _ pleasant and warm, though Anakin couldn’t tell  _ why.  _ There was no noticeable heat source that he could tell. As he shrugged off his warm coat, Quinlan caught him peering around, looking for a heat source. 

“Geothermal heat,” he said, gesturing at an innocuous looking fissure in the floor. It was weird how the man seemed to always know what his question was. “There’s vents all through the caves and in the temple,” he explained. “The bonus for getting your kyber crystal here instead of Ilum, like your pop and I did, is that it’s not karking cold as shit.”

“Quin….” Obi-Wan growled in warning as he sat down across from the Jedi. 

Quinlan ignored Obi-Wan. “That being said, Anakin, don’t fall into any of the water you see down there. Because it ain’t actually water.”

Anakin swallowed hard. He’d been so excited for this. He had literally been counting the days since his twelfth birthday. He’d written pages and pages about his excitement for finding his kyber crystal and building his lightsaber in his journal. But now that he was here and about to do it, he was wondering if he was actually ready.

“Anakin, come, sit down and relax,” his father said. “You’ll start your journey soon enough.”

Anakin took another deep breath and sat down on a squat stool next to his father just as Leko returned with a tray laden with a rustic tea service and some sort of dry looking brown bread. He sat the tray down on the table with a thump and a rattle. “Help yourselves,” he said, taking a mug for himself and filling it with a steaming and powerfully aromatic tea. 

“Ahh, delightful.” Obi-Wan followed suit, elbowing Anakin discreetly to do the same. Anakin  _ hated  _ tea, and this stuff smelled worse than any of the fine teas his parents enjoyed. He resisted the urge to wrinkle his nose in disgust, channelled his mother and her ability to pretend nothing actually bothered her, and took a sip. At least it was warm, he thought, as he choked it down. Quinlan smirked at him from over his own mug.

“So,” Leko started, surprisingly more conversational than Anakin would have expected. “You’re Mandalorian, I hear.” He took a chunk of bread and smeared it with some sort of paste before shoving it into his mouth without any sort of pretense or decorum.

“That we are,” Obi-Wan said.

Leko studied them, nose wrinkling. “Don’t look like any Mandos I’ve ever seen.”

Obi-Wan smiled politely. “We’re working on changing our ways. Less armor and weaponry, more diplomacy and peace.”

The little man grunted a humorless laugh. “Heh. Good luck with that, young one. I’ve been around an awful long time, and Mandos don’t just  _ stop  _ being rowdy, hellraising cusses.”

Obi-Wan, still smiling congenially, raising his mug. “Well, then, here’s to hoping we can prove you wrong.” The man tipped his head in concession.

Anakin finally screwed up the courage to speak, which seemed like a far better option than trying to stifle his gag reflex with each sip of tea. “So, are you a Jedi?” 

Leko laughed again, this time with a tiny hint of mirth. “Hells no, kid. I’m a Guardian.”

Anakin looked questioningly at Quinlan. “He’s a Guardian of the Whills,” Quinlan said, as if that was enough. Anakin shook his head, still not sure what this funny old man was supposed to be. “Hmmm….in the simplest terms, Anakin, they know the Force, like us, and they guard this temple, the kyber, and protect the pilgrims.” Quinlan looked at Leko with a good natured gleam in his eyes. “Well, most do. Leko prefers to harass the pilgrims. And, occasionally, for the right amount of credits and if he likes you well enough, he’ll let you go get a kyber crystal without the Jedi knowing.”

“But you’re a Jedi,” Anakin protested.

“Yeah, but I’m not going to tell the council I brought you to Leko,” Quinlan said, grinning like a tooka. 

Anakin looked at his father, who shrugged. “There are reasons I keep him around, Ani.”

Anakin shook his head, unsure what to make of any of this. He sat in silence for the rest of their small meal, listening to Quinlan tell stories of adventures that Anakin would have never in a million lightyears thought would be the type of things Jedi would get into. 

* * *

  
  


Anakin had been walking in the cave for what seemed like hours. Though, the eerie light and monotonous walls seemed to do odd things to time. He could only assume it was hours from the subtle ache in his legs. 

Leko had led him through his odd little suite of rooms cut into the rock of the temple walls, and through a small opening, just big enough for Anakin to slide through sideways, and that had been it. The beginning of his own pilgrim’s journey, in a way, to find his kyber crystal so he could construct his lightsaber. With his dad’s advice to trust his feelings and stay centered and Quinlan’s hearty pat on the shoulder, he’d slid into an otherworldly realm that had spiraled down into the hidden depths of Jedha. 

Quinlan had not been lying. It  _ was  _ warm in the caves, and Anakin had quickly shrugged off his tunic, tying it around his waist, and continued his journey in just his under tunic. The place was cavernous but oddly claustrophobic, and Anakin had quickly decided that he would walk and ignore the panicky instinct that creeped at the back of his mind. At least until the Force told him otherwise.

As his legs began to tire and boredom started to set in, he entered a vast chamber, pools of crystalline liquid dappling the stone floor, and the Force pressed in upon him.  _ Wait.  _

So, he waited. He sat down in the middle of the chamber, and closed his eyes to meditate. He always found moving meditation easier, but with Quinlan's warning about the pools still bouncing around his head, he figured sitting still would be the safest option. 

But, meditation seemed to come easily here for whatever reason. He quickly slipped into the Force, losing himself as he floated along the stream of life. He floated by his father’s calming, cool light, Quinlan, too, who felt buoyant and bright. He could feel the Force as it ebbed and flowed, moving with the steady stream of pilgrims. He could feel it taking him further out, beyond the walls of the Holy City, into the desert, and then beyond still. It was peaceful. It was calming…

Anakin woke with a start. He was in one of the palace gardens, sitting under his mother’s jogan fruit tree. He must have dozed off, which was odd. And the dream he’d been having, that was strange, too. He shook his head, trying to clear the weirdness from his senses. He stood, shaking out his gangly limbs. He wondered how long he’d been out here.

He turned at the sound of laughter. Little Lily, her bright blonde curls bouncing, ran in on her not-quite-a-kid-not-quite-a-toddler legs. “Ani!” she shouted, throwing herself at him. He scooped her up, swinging her in a wide circle, making her scream with delight.

Korkie was there next, talking animatedly about the model ship they had been working on in the evenings before bed, excitement jumbling his thoughts and ideas on how they could make it better. Korkie made to climb the jogan fruit tree- an absolutely forbidden thing to do, though he and Korkie did it constantly. He pulled up short at the sound of his name, said in warning, coming from their mother’s lips.

His parents came into view, hand in hand, and another figure walked alongside his mother. He….he recognized that person.

“Mom?!” He ran toward her, laughing and crying, and felt the joy radiating off of her.

Suddenly, it was dark. Deep blackness. Fear assaulted him as he heard the screams and shouts of his family. “Where are you?” he called. “I can’t see you!”

The blackness faded into a dark, glowing red several meters ahead of him. A figure, seemingly cloaked in shadows, stood at the juncture of the black and glowing red. The figure seemed ghost like, but strangely real and physical. Like they were there in front of him, but also in his mind, grabbing at his fear and dragging it to the front, amplifying the sounds of terror from his family.

“Save them, young Skywalker, if you can.” The figure stepped- No. Not stepped. Just  _ shifted  _ somehow, revealing his family, all of them, trapped on a narrow platform hanging above a roiling red sea. “Save them, my boy,” the voice said, inside and outside his head. The figure let go of some cord or rope or something that Anakin hadn’t realized they had been holding, and the platform fell.

“No!” Anakin shouted as he flung himself forward and reached out through the Force, halting the platform’s rapid descent. He struggled, fighting to hold on. He had to get them safe.

“Why do you need them safe?” a voice asked from nowhere. This one was different, and seemed to be only in his head. It was different. Calm, but stern.

“Because I love them!” he wailed, tears running down his cheeks, mingling with rivulets of sweat, the effort of holding them through the Force physically and mentally straining him.

“Oh? And what would you do for those you love?” The voice again, calm and steady.

“Anything. I would do anything,” he sobbed, trying to block out the small, scared sobs that were distinctly Lily’s. His mom and Satine held each other, Lily cradled in Satine’s arms. “I have to save them!”

“ _ Anything _ , the boy says,” the voice replied, entirely too calm. “Then...let go.”

What? He wasn’t going to  _ let go.  _ He had to figure out how to get them off that platform, onto hard- 

Wait, he thought. Was this some Jedi lesson, telling him not to love too deeply, not to form attachment?. To forget his mom? He remembered that moment in the council chamber with Qui-Gon, Master Yoda scolding him for missing his mom. His father told him about how he had turned away from that teaching, had chosen love over the Jedi. He couldn’t  _ let go  _ of love. He had to  _ hold on  _ to those he loved. That’s why he’d do anything for them.

“Why would you think love would be what we meant?” the voice asked, the tone now more soothing. “Love is good and noble.  _ Think _ , young Skywalker, the voice scolded. “And then, let go.”

Anakin’s heart raced, his breathing chaotic and shallow as he fought and held on for dear life through the Force. He couldn’t lose them, he couldn’t. 

His grip slipped, and he panicked, taking a deep breath, he tried to calm himself. Then it came to him.

_ Let go. _

It wasn’t love, it was  _ fear.  _ He had to let go of the fear of losing those he loved. He closed his eyes, breathed, steadied himself, immersed himself in the calming stream of the Force, and  _ let go. _

Voices, laughter, warm, small arms wrapped around his neck, the smell of Mandalorian lilies in the air. He opened his eyes, and there they were, in the garden. His two mothers sat on a bench, chatting happily, his father was practicing katas with Korkie, and he stood under the jogan fruit tree, Lily in his arms, pointing up into the tree’s branches. 

He looked, and saw a low hanging jogan. “You want that, Lily Bo?”

She nodded enthusiastically. “Please.” He smiled at her and reached up-

He came to with a gasp, back in the chamber somewhere under the Temple of the Kyber. He was standing along a wall, arm reaching up, and the air- or was it his head?- was filled with a soft, almost musical humming whisper, a gentle glow cast around him. He looked up to see a cheerful glow against the red rock. A kyber crystal. He stretched up on his toes, wrapping his fingers around it. He expected it to resist, but it released easily from its nest in the hard rock.

He sunk back to flat feet, cradling the little crystal in his hands. It  _ was  _ tiny. He knew it would be. His father had shown him the kyber in his own lightsaber. People always assumed that it must take some immense source of power to light a lightsaber, but it didn’t. It just needed this tiny, beautiful conductor of energy. He smiled. He’d done it.

* * *

Hours later, somewhere between Jedha and Mandalore, Anakin sat on the floor of the galley of Quinlan’s ship. His eyes were closed, hand raised as he worked his way through the process of constructing his lightsaber. It was slow and methodical, but it was exactly the type of work he enjoyed best, even when using the Force to do it instead of his hands. 

The parts naturally fell into place, seeming to know exactly what went where and in what order. Of course, Anakin being Anakin, he had studied the mechanics and engineering of lightsabers for years, almost as soon as he had access to datapads and holos and all the resources that came with being the adopted son of the Duchess of Mandalore and her Jedi husband. Though he used the Force for this task, lightsabers were still just machines. Machines were easy to understand, and he’d pretty much known what his lightsaber would look like, in what order it would go together once he had finished the slow process of gathering it’s parts. Now, as he slipped the kyber crystal into its base, it had finally come to life.

With a click, the last piece came to rest, and it was complete. He opened his eyes and there it hovered in front of him. The metallic cylinder, sleek but with a good grip and tactile controls. It was perfect. He wrapped his hand around it, and instantly felt as if he’d been holding it his whole life.

“Buir! I’m done!” he called.

Obi-Wan and Quinlan appeared nearly instantly from the cockpit. “Well, go ahead, let’s see it,” Obi-Wan said as he leaned against the bulkhead.

Anakini took a deep breath, then thumbed the power control. A bright blade of blue sprang before his eyes, humming softly. He smiled. It was perfect.

“Well done, Ani,” his father said, delight thick in his voice. “You may practice with it for now, but once we’re back to Sundari, I’ll need to take it. You’ll get it back when you say the  _ Resol’nare.” _

Anakin’s shoulders slumped. He knew that was the deal, but he was still anxious to be able to carry it with pride, like his father. “Fine,” he said, not meaning to sound as grumpy as he did. It was really only a matter of days. He swung the blade around, and the buzzing hum chased his glumness away. 

So what if he’d never be a Jedi? He was something better. Something stronger and richer, built on the foundation of a family who loved him, and who he loved in return. He was Mando’ad….and he had a kriffing cool lightsaber, too. 


End file.
